Voir les gens qu’on aime partir peu à peu, un temps ou pour longtemps, provoque ce mélange de tristesse, d’égoïsme, de solitude, de prise de conscience. La mort fait partie intégrante de la vie et après avoir tant craint cette dernière, je crains l’autre pour les proches. La maladie qui vient, qui va, qui prend en otage ceux qui nous sont chers, les plus vieux, ceux qui nous ont vu grandir, ceux qui nous ont élévés, ceux qui nous seront enlevés plus tôt que les autres. Je vis tout cela impassible et choquée à la fois, de me rendre compte que c’est sans doute bientôt la fin. La fin d’une époque, pour ma famille, pour moi, surtout pour ma grand-mère qui peine à croire qu’elle pourra survivre quand l’être aimé sera parti. Les cris, les pleurs, les lamentations n’y changeront rien, ne soulagent pas, tirent plus vers le bas. Les heures, les jours, les mois sont longs. On s’accroche à une guérison, un miracle, une possibilité de retrouver une vie d’avant. Mais il n’y a aucun avant, car le présent bouffe tout et pire le futur n’accepte aucune certitude. Nous ne sommes sûrs de rien, de son état, de l’évolution des choses, d’une chance pour que mon grand-père sorte de son coma. La médecine n’étant pas une science exacte, la suite de l’histoire le dira. La journée d’hier fut vécue de manière iréelle. La horde de pompiers débarquant chez mes grand-parents, mon grand-père semblant plus proche de la mort que de la vie, le médecin, dans un élan d’honnêteté nous demandant de nous préparer. Quand bien même, la préparation est douloureuse. On est là, ravalant nos larmes ma soeur et moi, gardant la face devant la famille, mais je vois bien qu’au fond, le ventre noué, on subissait cette tristesse de l’intérieur. C’est ainsi, on attend, on accepte, on comprend, que c’est un processus naturel et que malgré la douleur, il faudra continuer à vivre et continuer d’aimer aussi fort ceux qui partiront , encore plus ceux qui sont en vie. Et malgré les dernières images de ce grand père tant aimé, allongé dans ce brancard, inanimé, trop maigre, je préfère me souvenir de cet homme plein d’entrain, avec lequel j’ai grandi, qui m’emmenait à l’école, qui riait fort à table, symbole de mon enfance heureuse. La vie et la mort se mélangent. La tristesse et le soulagement se soutiennent. L’attente est nerveuse mais nécessaire. Un souffle s’en va et revient dans chaque souvenir heureux. Il n’y a rien à regretter, rien à oublier, mais un homme à soutenir et à aimer.
lolo says:
Hum … effectivement, ce genre d’épreuve est en général un gros coup de massue.
Jan 03, 2008, 12:04Voir une icône de notre enfance dépérir est toujours déstabilisant. J’ai vécu sensiblement la même expérience avec ma grand mère, qui a eu une attaque cérébrale subite et est tombée dans le coma pendant qqs jours.
Heureusement, c’est surtout les souvenirs heureux qui remontent à la surface dans ces moments-là. Ca aide à se raccrocher à la dure réalité.
Bon courage dans cette épreuve !!
bee zzz
lolo
Tin says:
J’ai eu la même épreuve que toi il y a un peu moin d’un an.
Suite à une opération du coeur, mon grand père est tombé dans le coma et une semaine après est décédé. Sa mort a vraiment affecté la famille pendant environ 2 mois, mes parents allaient chez mes grands parents quasiment toutes les semaines… Pendant environ deux mois, ma grand mère allait vivre chez mes parents, puis chez mes tantes & oncles.. histoire de penser un peu à autre chose même si ça reste compliqué.
Ensuite après notre voyage au pays où on est allé déposé les cendres de mon grand père, nous lui avons trouvé un nouvel appart mais on sent qu’il y a définitivement une page qui a tourné. Le 1er noël ou le prochain nouvel an où l’on présentera nos voeux à la famille devant tout le monde sans (tradition viet dans ma famille je sais pas si tu fais ça avec la tienne) sans le grand père.
Mais bon, c’est une étape dans la vie que l’on doit tous affronter un jour. Il y aura des naissances, des décès mais la vie continue =)
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